To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
