I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize