I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
