They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
