She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
