i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I can't turn off my feet"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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