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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
