Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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