i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
