thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
