Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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