it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
