i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
me + whiskey = a bad person
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
