if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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