**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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