Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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