I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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