omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
