oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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