I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
