how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
