I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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