Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
