i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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