really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
