ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
