the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
