living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
