uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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