Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
