sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
