No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
