what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
