Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
