I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Dick very happy bro
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
