Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
my being single is dangerous.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
