i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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