Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
These tits shall not be calmed
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
