I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
