I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
