legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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