my phone needs a breathalizer
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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