Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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