Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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