If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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