Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
