Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
