So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
