My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
