DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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