The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
