her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
