So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
