This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
