i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
