Even the bartender felt bad for me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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