You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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