Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
