Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
