I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
