dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
