my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
