That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
