You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
