so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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